WARNING: TV Streams of Consciousness posts will be total mish mashes of any ridiculous thought that comes to my mind while watching usually watching ridiculous TV i.e. Top Model, Girlicious, any Bravo Reality Series. If your life does not revolve around the returning seasons of such shows you will most likely not understand what is happening below. If you're at least somewhat familiar you may be able to appreciate the shock, awe, disgust and predictability that surfaces while engaging in such works of art. So without further adieu, please enjoy my rambles and judgments. I sure enjoyed making them.
And it begins... Two of the dummies, I mean models, are frolicking through the apt and one says to the other "This will be you and I in the future!" "You and I in the future" ahhh my girls, they be good thinkers.
OH a giant bed for some of the girls to share, totes Tila Tequila. Will Tila be the new judge you say? A girl can dream. But No. As we all know the new judge is the glory that is above, Paulina Porizkova, and good lord does she make me want to end my life here and now. I always loved her in that movie with Tom Selleck where he writes trashy novels and she's a mysterious Russian who he thinks is trying to kill him until she gives him a sensual haircut and his boner says "no no, we shall wed.
This Fatima and the female circumcision thing is gonna be Tyra's Jammmmmmmm. $100 says Tyra buys Fatima a new clit.
Amis? Anus? Famous? Lame-is?
Mr. and "Mrs." (not Miss as one girl refers to him) Jay arrive, which is which? "Mr." Jay is totally wearing a leather lady dress coat, he's making Miss Jay look like Tyson Beckford. Mr. Jay's hair also looks like that Pepsi guy from the 80's who wore the striped Kanye West sunglasses.
THIS is intense! A whole new ball game! A Badgley Mischka runway show LIVE in Times Square for the first competition? Tyra will stop at NOTHING to get her name entangled with every fashion whore in town.
Aimee looks like a model already. Projection: winner
Dominique, pretty good
These girls are all pretty good, OH wait, Lauren has something in her underpants...poop perhaps? Projection: loser.
OH SNAP Fatima is gonna get a BEAT DOWN. She smacked Marvita in the FACE! I'ma cut her for Marvita, clit or no clit.
Scrolling Tyra mail, wonderful, way to highlight the retardation of the girls by making them read slowly, aloud, in unison.
WoW Paulina is being harsh, is she trying to be the next Janice?
Marvita to Fatima, "I never met a Mean African except for you. What is wrong with you?" I totally thought Marvita was gonna be the bitch on the show but APPARENTLY Fatima has that covered. And how many Africans does Marvita know? If you had your clit cut out you'd be a bitch too I think.
OMG I'm so SICK of the"issue" based photo shoots. Homeless youth? These girls are going to dress up in ridiculously overpriced outfits and try to pose as a raggedy homeless kid? I hope someone gets shived. Although homelessness is SO HOT right now!
ooohh Fatima was homeless! It all makes sense now. She's SO gonna win, she looks like Iman, she's African, she has no clit AND she was homeless. This girl is Tyra's wet dream to Oprahood.
Oh Fatima and Marvita are BONDING! One was homeless and is clitless and the other was raped and molested. Oh if only the raped one had no clit, it would have made the pain so much easier. I'm going to hell for that one.
Oh Kim doesn't understand that homeless people have the ability to smile! She thinks they can only look sad, I get it. Well DUH! They're HOMELESS! And homeless=no face muscles.
Jesus this scrolling Tyra mail is gonna get old REAL quick, it's like hooked on phonics.
Uh oh, Kim a.k.a gnat face, doesn't want to support $2,000 outfits, she's going HOME!
Who will it be? Goofy walk Lauren or frugal gnat faced Kim?
GOD I want to be Paulina Porizkova
HAHAHHAHA TYRA, plugging her talk show, flashing back to being homeless for a day, blowing MY MIND! She put dirt on her face and wore flannel, is she homeless or a hipster?
Oh man Nigel and Paulina are totally gonna bone
What homeless girl has teased hair and bright red lipstick on? At least Tyra left her weave at home and put some dirt on her face.
OHH noo! The kiss of death! Gnat face doesn't like fashion and she told the judges so!!! She is DEF going home. HAHAH She's just leaving on her own! She told them the selfishness of the fashion world wasn't for her! AMAZING. Tyra is gonna rip someones head off and eat it for breakfast. What a WASTE! I love people who waste Tyra's time. You know she's gonna chow down on some McDonald's for that mess up.
Is Miss Jay wearing a velcro Lite Brite vest?
The plus size models keep getting THINNER and THINNER. Whitney is Plus sized? She's like a size 6!
I hate tranny Dominique's bun on the top of her head and giant banana clip in the back. It looks like a swirly poop plopped on the top of her head.
Anus gets to stay. Bore face who I could never remember is going home. Figured. Good thing, the girl changed her name to Amis/Anus for god sakes, that better not be for nothing.
Oh Tyra you've successfully made me dumber once again and I thank you for that. Until we meet again evil princess...until we meet again.
1 comment:
"Oh if only the raped one had no clit, it would have made the pain so much easier. I'm going to hell for that one."
Correct.
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