I Love Crack Whore Barbie

God damn do I want this Crack Whore Barbie. Every inch of her just STINKS of crack whore. Even down to her underpants, lying loosely and perfectly positioned around her ankles.

I kind of have a thing for retarded Barbie dolls. I once bought a wheel chair Barbie as a gift to my BF (I know messed up right?) we thought it was Hilarious, I'm surely going to hell.

But it's not just because I'm evil and I like to laugh at the misfortunes of others, it's because I truly love Barbie.

My sister and I used to play with Barbie's OBSESSIVELY. We would spend HOURS just picking out the right dolls--scouring through a duffel bag full of naked limbs-- and ensembles for each part of their day. Games would last for DAYS on end. There would be no sunshine until the double wedding culminated, where we would FINALLY be able to take it all in as our little ladies walked down the wall-to-wall carpeted aisle to the tune of Paula Abdul's "Will You Marry Me Boy."

But usually the madness didn't end there. Sexcapades including tic-tac birth control--that proved to be 99% ineffective--followed by double births, ultimately leading to massive BBQ parties, and love affairs/divorces would keep turning summer days into summer nights. The insanity would persist until my mother would force us to take a break; this was when we would switch to baby dolls and take our children to the park. OH the days of being young and naive, pshhh.

But even since, I never stopped loving Barbie. Seeing that pink glow down the aisle of a toy store always beckons me to come closer and sends a shiver of excitement down my spine. I always hate it when people judge Barbie and say that she is anti-feminist, that has always been ridiculous to me.

In my world, Barbie never led the perfect, unreachable dream-life that people hold over her beautiful blond head. She went through some pretty horrible stuff and also had some really good times as well, so if my life turns out to be half the roller coaster ride my Barbie's had to face I'll be happy with myself. She allows little girls to dream about their future fucked up lives and explore every possible scenario that may come about--easing the inevitable blow when shit does start to really hit the fan.

So that is why I want Crack Whore Barbie. She not only looks hilarious but shows me what could have happened to me if I hadn't taken the opposite position on pretty much every choice my Barbie made in the fucked up life I gave her.