The Hills Have Big Doey Eyes Dripping with Mascara and Friendship--Part Les Deux

In part Les Deux we will continue dissecting the very INTRICATE details of this massive two part episode of The Hills where we witness friendship romance, black tears, new found wisdom, spilled BLOODy marys, and the devil himself (Spencer!). You can watch all of Monday night's episode below if you missed out:


When we left off Brody and Doug E Fresh had been sent to jail after a CARAZY night of partying in Vegas. Lauren and the girls vow to break them out by searching through the yellow pages in order to call jails and bail bond stores, sooo stone age.



Magically the Brodester and Doug E return with the WEIRDEST STORY EVER!

HURRAY BACK FROM JAIL!


Apparently some random man punched Doug E after inviting him to a party. He spilled Doug E's Bloody Mary all over him! What a JERK! Lauren quietly mutters "IDIOTS" to her girls. No truer words were ever spoken my dear. My question though is, why was Doug E drinking a Bloody Mary at 4 am?

IDIOTS


The group heads back to the private jet and Audrina can't take the tension anymore. She asks Lauren if they can talk when they get home.

Can we chat? I miss ya baby...


Back in casa del diablo, Spencer comes home to Heidi's sister Holly and greets her with EXTREME sarcasm. She's looking for jobs and apartments and he asks if she's really been doing that all day from the couch. THE NERVE! Especially coming from a man who has left a permanent mark in that couch. He's just jealous of her more curvaceous butt print I bet. Holly has been there for about 24 hours and he's already telling her that he and Heidi want her OUT! HE needs to get OUT! Man he's the worst! Heidi is going to KILL HIM!

Hey Spencer! How's it going? Did you have a good day manipulating my sister once again? Thanks SO much for letting me sleep on your couch for a night! I LOVE YOU!

You need to get out. I can't brainwash Heidi the way I like with you messing up my TIVO all the time.



Now that the gang is back from their crazy, hi jinx filled weekend in Vegas Lauren goes to People's Revolution to hopefully let her work distract her from her problems with Audrina. She has to FRAY jeans for a living. MY GOD, GET me that job!

We Have The Best Jobs Ever!



Aww Justin Bobby is being a KIND Gentleman these days. I love him so much more this season. Maybe it's his haircut? He's gone from jerky homeless man, to gentle woodsman. He and Audrina are totally going to move in together and then get married and then have babies, with long dark hair and blue eyes, and they'll name them Lauren Bobby and Brody Bobby. Together again!

Old Justin Bobby = Crazy, Rambling, Drunk, Homeless Man

New Justin Bobby = Amazingly Wise Woodsman


Back at People's Revolution... Audrina is texting Lauren. She REALLY wants to talk. They'll work it out tonight. They just HAVE TO!

Back in the looney bin, Heidi is home and Holly is missing. Spencer pretends he doesn't know where she is. He probably doesn't, because last he saw she was floating down the river he threw her lifeless body in. Spencer is annoyed because he's seen Holly's face for 48 hours straight. HOW about you get a frigging JOB SPENCER! Heidi is pissed, but not pissed enough. She needs to get RID of this creepy mustachioed fool.

Where's My Sister Spencer?

What Do You Mean She's Practicing Her Dead Man Float?


Oh thank God, Holly finally makes it back to Heidi's place. She's been out figuring out what to do with her life. Heidi is yelling at Holly for the jerky way Spencer treated her. HEIDI! Why can't you yell at the realllll jerk here! Give that boy a whoopin', you heard me a WHOOPIN!

Thank God You're Alive, But How DARE You Let Spencer Kick You Out!


Audrina is going to talk to Lauren. IS that a tear she's shedding before even approaching her?

Hi, Can We Talk? My Eyes Are Going To Burst...


Sooo Lauren and Audrina are having the friendship breakup convo AGAIN. Lauren LOVES Audrina SO MUCH she proclaims that she will go as far as to awkwardly bob her head at the weird shows Audrina likes to go to just to be with her. Now that is love right there. Poor Lauren, she just wants FRIENDSHIP. But she doesn't realize that they can never truly be friends for Audrina has the cursed black hair that will not survive in the world of dark blond that Lauren has come to surround herself with. The mascara is a FLOWIN', flowing as deep as the river of their friendship.

The Heavy Flow of Black Tears

Friendship (for NOW...)

Previews: OH SNAP! Heidi's sister is texting LAUREN! Spencey WENCEY is NOT going to like that ONE BIT!

Predictions: Audrina falls in love with J. Bobby and moves out. The merging of assets occur and the birthing of baby Bobbies takes precedence. Spencer finds out about Holly's affair with friendship lover and mortal enemy LC. Spencer kicks Holly out and Lauren, the kind soul that she is and lover of dark blonds (Holly will fit in PERFECTLY!), offers Audrina's pool house to Holly. A dream love is born. Heidi freaks out and dyes her hair red to throw everyone off.

Spencer buys Big Buck Hunter and starts a torrid affair that includes his TIVO, a season of Murder She Wrote, and eight cans of Metamucil. Till next time...