Oedipus and The Chronic

My dear friend Lisa passed along this hilarious report, courtesy of her friend Vlad, that some sweetly retarded child wrote in highschool. I assume highschool? It's pretty obvious that whoever wrote this is actually quite the opposite of dumb and may be the missing link in fact. He captures the story of Oedipus with more beauty and candor than I ever remembered it having. Perhaps it's time to take another gander.

I must say some of my favorite parts are his candid comparisons of Oedipus to the likes of Dr. Dre; the smooth transitions and eloquence of his writing that shakes me to the core; his ability to threaten your life without the slightest of hesitations and then stealthily slide into a poetic masterpiece focused on poppin' collas and hangin' with fine wenches; the way in which his creative mind forms mind boggling metaphors, his uncanny knowledge of the history of anal sex, and his unflinching love of pictures and clip art.

Ahh yes, this young man is quite the genius in fact and despite the D- that his teacher gave him, I think deep down she enjoyed the paper. She even notes his humor within the first paragraph but begrudgingly realizes by the end that this in fact can not be the true story of Oedipus so he can not receive anything but a failing grade, but it WILL DEFINITLEY make an amazing viral email to send to all of her friends and in the end, isn't that really what matters?

Click the pictures below to enlarge the paper. Please take the time to soak up every line, and comment. It's worth it.

SAVE THE YOUTHS!

A friend of mine, who shall remain nameless, recently shared with me a list of names that her preggers friend is considering for her unborn child. The list is, to say the least, out of control. Please see the list below and my interpretation of each name. NOTE: the child is a male, please keep this in mind.

RILEY: see video

HARLEY

REGAN

OR

JACKSON obvis

RYLAN yes, your son will become a 15 year old MySpace whore

LUCA

BAILEY

MADDOX

BLAZE check out that sweet tat!

MASON

PRINCE duh

DAKOTA

OR

DYLAN a girl can dream I suppose

PHOENIX

SKYLAR

ROCCO

Here comes my FAVE!

JERZY will his last name be dirty too?

NIKO

ZIKO REALLY?!?!

HARPER

HAWK umm, do I even NEED to give a picture for this? I will anyway.

JULIAN

CONNOR

Actually that was just the first image to pop up on Google when I searched for Connor and I thought it was hilarious. HERE'S what really pops into my head for this name:

AVERY

PEYTON

OR I think of my friend Cecile's little girl who is just the MOST adorable EVER

HAYDEN

JAYDEN

JAKE



I know it's tough to pick a baby name these days and everyone has an opinion on the name, and that's why people usually keep it a secret until the baby is born because some douche is going to tell you not to name your kid Marvin because they once knew a Marvin who was a real idiot so that OBVIOUSLY means your baby will grow up to become an alcoholic tranny prostitute with a zebra head too. BUT fo serious people, some of the names I hear these days sound like they were chosen in the midst of a root canal. For the sake of humanity and for not having to shun oursleves from the Europeans out of humiliation, PLEASE, PLEASE try putting some serious thought into the name of your child. They WILL have to live with it for the rest of their lives so not to putting them in an awkward situation right from the moment they exit the womb would be a wonderful first birthday gift. They'll thank you later for it.

All My Best,
Regina Fallangi

BWE Does Gossip Girl

So I'm kind of on a SUPER duper laziness kick lately and REALLY don't have anything to say..at all...ever. So instead of writing about my FEELINGS I'm just going to bombard this blog with other people's blog posts and clips that sum up everything for me. This way I can continue to stare at walls and pick my nose ALL the live long. See how Alex Blagg and Sara Schaefer interpret the season premiere of Gossip Girl below. Those kids never cease to hilar me round and round. Enjoy!

Gossip Girl Revelations at BWE.tv @ Yahoo! Video

via BWE

Fave New Band: Ungdomskulen

The Frankster and I caught this band on New York Noise the other night. Their video for "Modern Drummer" was IRRESISTIBLE. Basically, it looks like it was directed by Tim and Eric, meaning its retardedly hilarious; and the song is really good to boot. Also the fact that their bass player looks like Weird Al with flat ironed hair is perfecto too. As of right now they're only touring in places that are not in America, but Hopefully soon they will show up--preferably in walking distance from my apt;)

Check out their video for "Modern Drummer" and the rest of their jimmy jams on their MySpace: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=40961990

Bye Nerds

This Week on "The Hills"

Justin Bobby returned in the form of James Franco in a skanky wig. I love The Hills for it's retardedness and I love James Franco for his sexiness, so the two combined is a mess of sexy retardation. I love it. James really puts his all into this rendition of the beloved JB, BJ? His burping, cursing, deep thoughts all scream Justin Bobby! Mila Kunis on the other hand just has too much personality to play an accurate portrayal of Audrina. She's missing that blank stare that says "my eyes are open, but I'm dead inside." I can't wait till next week's episode, maybe Spencer in Heidi will even get in on the act.

The Return of My Life

Last night was the return of The Office and finally, my life is once again complete. The episode was nothing less than pure glory. Michael and Jan threw a dinner party that they tricked their guests into coming to. Needless to say hilarity ensued. Michael and Jan made all of the guests feel COMPLETELY awkward in OH so many ways. Here's a brief rundown, in no particular order (**SPOILER ALERT):

#1 Jan is led to believe by Michael that he and Pam used to date, hence she shoots Pam the evil eye through out the night and may have possibly poisoned her food

#2 Dwight was not invited because he is not part of a couple nor were there enough wine glasses. Thus he shows up with his old babysitter, (who's relationship with him is "purely carnal") two wine glasses and beet salad.

#3 Jan finds serenity in listening to her old assistant Hunter's new CD. He's truly an artist.

#4 Michael splurged on a $200 flat screen TV that is hoisted to the wall, he loves standing and watching it all day long.

#5 Babe, Babe, Babe--Michael and Jan call each other Babe constantly. THIS was my favorite part of the show as I was JUST recently (and have been for years actually) making fun of young, unmarried couples who call each other Babe or any other stupid, generic pet name. But of them all, Babe has GOT to be the worst.

30 Rock aired last night too and I have to say, I just CAN not get into this show. Alec Baldwin is hilarious but the rest, mehh. It's silly but never cracks me up. It may be the acting? It just seems too forced and overly goofy. WHO knows. I'll keep at it because it's definitely better than most other stuff on TV but I can't say that I'm a true fan yet.

Anywayyy, check out these two clips from last nights Office episode. Thanx Babe.

The Office S04E09 Dinner Party Sneak Peek 3
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